Are dads doing harm by commenting on their daughter's changing body?

A simple joke doesn’t do any harm.”

“It’s just banter.”

“I don’t mean it like that.”

Yes, humour is important and laughter the best medicine- if the person is receptive to it. It’s hard to know sometimes how a simple comment might land with your daughter-even it was well meant. We get it!

What’s the harm?

In pre-puberty girls get increasingly self conscious about their body shapes, looks, and really: about all sorts. It’s important for parents to be aware of the increased pressure that young girls experience through social media and peer pressure and therefor adjusting how they address their kids.

These pressures she’s experiencing were different when you grew up. In the UK 85 per cent of women aged 18 to 24 have experienced unwanted sexual attention in public places, that includes people commenting about their bodies. A study by children's charity Plan International UK found an alarming number of girls had received unwanted sexual attention in public while in their school uniform. Some had faced it since the age of 12 or younger. I don’t know any woman that hasn’t experienced some form of sexual harassment. (more on that here)

Hearing from yet another men comments about their bodies might just be the straw that breaks the camel’s back.

I am not saying, that your comments are sexual harassment: I just want to make you aware of the context and the culture that your daughter is part of.

Comments about their body when uninvited, might be hurtful and feed body dysmorphia. Calling a girl who’s developing chubby for example or commenting about how much she eats at the dinner table. When I was growing up and 13 or so, “chicken breast” was a way to refer to girls who didn’t start developing boobs. That’s what my mother’s boyfriend called me, adding on: “Come on, I am just teasing you!” NOT HELPFUL!

You can best support your daughter’s self-esteem and positive body image by being aware of your comments and jokes.

Do choose your words wisely. We all mistakes, we all fall and that’s ok and human. This is a call to awareness and there is still a place for your fabulous dad jokes!